What do you do when your soul is calling you towards adventure but a part of you is not playing along. Is throwing a wobble. A real, impossible to ignore tantrum. You know the feelings: Fear, grief, knotted stomach, feeling deeply unsettled.  What do you do? Give in? Play it safe? Try and ignore it and carry on regardless? Or is there another way?

In this article I will share with you what I learned when recently faced with this dilemma. The outcome was a life-changing decision.

A bit of background. All throughout my life I have mostly followed my soul’s call. Early on I did not know that this is what I was doing. I would simply feel very strongly to go somewhere or do something and I would do it. It is how I met my husband 30 years ago and how I ended up living in Britain. In my wilder days, it is how I got myself a few times out of serious trouble.

Now that I am happily settled here in beautiful West Wales, I am being called away from what I thought would be my forever home; to physically leave behind the network of friends, human and non-human, that has been woven over the last 20+ years. I find this call not so easy to answer.

I know the land here. I know its moods, its language, the changes with the seasons, with the times of the day, with the coming of the summer visitors. I know the river, the rocks in the river and in the old walls along the more hidden paths. The fields  hold me and teach me. I know where the buzzards live and the squirrels. I know the hidden places where I can sit quietly and just listen, be part of what is around me. There is a wildness and sense of community here that is lost in many places on this Island and elsewhere within the realm of western civilisation.

 

There is a lot I will be leaving behind here. Security. Familiarity. Rootedness. A home.

Feeling all this, it is tempting to choose to stay safe in the familiarity of my life. To give in to the fear, the tears, the grief.

But……at the same time, I feel the excitement of the call forward. Its voice is the same one I have heard and followed all my life. It is asking me to expand my work with what I call the Spirit of Nature. As I tune in and sit with it to explore how it wants to take shape, I feel a curiosity at play, an invitation to dive deeper.

Can I experience the Spirit of Nature in any place? How is it on different soil, under different skies? Can I connect directly in a new place or does it take the familiarity of a time-grown bond? What does it want me to know? How is it asking me to relate to the land around me, to other life, to the human and non-human communities I find myself in along the way? I feel excitement about working with stones and sacred sound in the places which are calling me.

So how do I know what to do? How do I know if these deeply uncomfortable feelings are fear or a warning not to proceed? How do I know whether I need to pluck up courage or whether to ditch the plan as being ungrateful for the many blessings I have in my current life and being foolish to throw it all away? Let me share with you what I learned.

Just because something feels painful or uncomfortable, does not mean that it is wrong. Likewise, just because something feels good, does not mean it is right.

 

So often we are told: “Just do what feels right, what brings you joy”. I think this is not always good advice. Why? Because our bodies hold memories, both good and painful, from all of our life’s events (and, some say, even our past lives). So some of the inspiration we receive can subconsciously trigger these. Also, our soul’s call can often be a challenge to face something that is standing in the way of our growth. And this can be painful and deeply uncomfortable.

So how do you know what is what? How to come to a decision which honours both your soul’s call and the needs of your more vulnerable earthly self?

A regular spiritual practise is paramount. Listening deeply on a daily basis to what guides you forward gives you an intimate connection to your soul’s voice. The trick is to do your best not to coax it along or shape it to your own desires; to stay open, to listen and take one step at the time. Ofcourse, some days this is easier than others, but holding the intent is what makes the difference. The keyword is trust. Trust that voice that never lets you down.

Allow yourself to experience the grief that comes with letting go alongside the excitement of the new that wishes to enter your life; hold both the fear of leaving what is familiar and the love of adventure; to see both the black and the white, is what will show you the way and how to take good care of yourself on all levels.

Name your fears. Write them down in your journal or talk to a trusted friend who will not judge you or give opinions. This way they do not get a chance to fester and grow out of proportion.

Of course this is not a ‘follow the 3 steps and you get a perfect  decision’ recipe; It is a process which takes as long as it needs. In this case, it took quite a few months for both my husband and myself to come to the decision to put our beloved home of 15 years up for sale and to sell many of our belongings. We have decided to live in a motorhome for a year (or more?) and to travel to where our hearts guide us, meeting new people who we already deeply know and live in close relationship with the land we find ourselves on.

Do I still feel apprehensive and sad at leaving? Yes, at times I do. Am I still excited and eager to embark on a new adventure? Yes, often I am. But let me tell you:
These feelings are two sides of the same coin. They are not the guiding principle for your next steps, they are merely the result of a choice inspired by something that is you but also so much bigger than you.  All you need to do is listen and remember a choice you made a long time ago. And then act on it.

As my hubby will go and explore new places on  his mountain bike, which is his way of connecting, I will walk the old routes, dog on heel. Give homage. Connect. Listen. Receive teachings. Follow up on what I am given. And write, share the experiences and the teachings with people like you. Because…

 

…….. this journey is not just for me. It is for you too.

 

That my experiences, my words, my stories may resonate with yours, so that together we weave a new pattern, a new way of being, one thread at the time. These are my threads. To add to yours on the warp of our times.

To be continued…………..

The Stone Circle

To receive inspiration, articles and news from She of the Stones straight into your inbox, sign up for the newsletter. I promise you will not be bombarded by emails and I don’t pass your details on to others, ever.